People with eyes should look away NOW

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Star of the Month: Nigella Lawson!

Those born under the star of Nigella Lawson need to take extra care of their legs this coming weekend. A knee related injury is on the cards and this may involve Lettuce of the Knee Bone. On the 29th you will contract Syphillis.

Nigella Lawson is an Earth sign and those born within her influence will undoubtedly be feeling inadequate in many ways. Common ailments associated with this star are Crooked Man-Trumpet and Crusty Flangitis. Neither ailment is fatal but both are socially unnacceptable.

Your lucky number this month is Q.

WARNING: Astromological readings provided by Russell Crowe.

Please note; there is no Star of the Month for Febuary. Studies have shown that people born within this month do not actually exist.


Anonymous Shirley Temple said...

Fuck it, I was going on a date on the 30th as well. Is this thing 100% accurate?


Anonymous Bjorn B'stard said...

I was suprised to find that I am actually born under the sign of Nigella Lawson as I thought I was born within the influence of Leonard Nimoy. What a cunt that is.


Anonymous Leonard Nimoy said...

That is highly illogical


Anonymous Tony Maloney said...

I was born on valentines day. Does that mean I don't exist? I must inform my wife and the tax office.


Anonymous Hugh E Bannister said...

Bloody hell, I was in the kitchen tossing some salad off when, lo and behold, I slipped and fell heavily on my knee. The doctor tells me I impacted so hard on some loose floor lettuce that it actually merged with my genetic structure and I now have lettuce of the knee bone. I can't wait until the 29th as I've always romanticised about syphillis.


Blogger matt of comooxdom said...

I tried to make the tit shandy last night but struggled as Tesco only had a small bag of tit. I ended up supplementing it with bum - which although more fruity just absorbed all the butter.


Blogger Manny Kulkowski said...

The trouble with using Bum Batter is there are often far too many errant Shit Raisins in the mix.



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