More dangerous than an electric fire in the bath?

Shilpa Shetty has been named the second most hazardous substance on earth, beating both weapons grade Plutonium and Lava. Though highly dangerous to look at or touch Shilpa was still denied the top spot by popular Cunt, Tom Hanks.

Shilpa is now on her second international incident following a heated hand shandy with John Malcovich.

Mr Malcovich told us;

"This had nothing to do with me whatsoever. I was fellating a Moose in California at the time of the incident."

India is said to be outraged, for a change, and effigies of Ben & Jerry have been burning throughout the land.

A spokesman for Ben & Jerry told us;

"I don't know how we got dragged into all this as we only produce quality icecream but there it is."

In reaction to the incident the US has imposed sanctions on Shilpa. During a press conference Ronald Dumpsfeld told us;

"If we can stop all trade with this woman we can hopefully limit the damage she can cause. We are particularly concerned with the current levels of turd trade in and out of her."

Invasion plans have been drawn up in anticipation of the failure of the sanctions.

"Obviously we'll give the sanctions time to take effect, possibly a few days, but then a tactical pre-emptive assault will be imminent."

It is widely believed US forces will enter Shilpa Shetty up her Kyhber Pass.