Playback's a bitch

The music industry has opened a new front in its war against international music piracy. Code named Operation Silent Sound, music companies are remixing artists’ tracks with subliminal messages read by Tom Hanks. The reworked tracks are then made available for download on file sharing networks. When an illegally downloaded track is played, the subliminal message subverts the filters of the conscious mind and is processed by the subconscious.

Chase Minderbinder, Music Industry Spokesman:

“In effect we’re talking directly to the brain. On Britney Spears’ new single, Tom Hanks whispers, “Can you hear me? Can you feel me inside?” It really shits me up. Even though I can’t hear it. Puts the willies right up me.

The technology was developed in the 1960’s for PsyOps warfare. The software does some weird shit to nonaural carriers in the ultrasonic frequency spectrum. Once the intelligence is inserted into a track it is made available for download and propagated acoustically for inducement into the brain, typically through loudspeakers or earphones.

We’ve had to resort to non-conventional methods to stop our music being traded illegally. Traditional methods are just not working. We’ve got neither the time nor the resources and we're losing the war. The Nazis had a similar problem in W.W 2. This is our Final Solution. We might not get our money back but we’re gonna fuck ‘em up. Fucking pirates.”

The effects of Silent Sound are said to include the desire to watch daytime TV, bleeding ear drums and a belief in same sex marriage. To detect if your illegal download is affected by Silent Sound have a dog nearby. He will start to howl if Tom Hanks whispers in your ear.

You have been warned.

Categories: John Craven's Newsround