Robin to get 'good kicking'.

Today the New York Times announced that Batman is to take up the search for Bin Laden. Inspired by the rantings of legendary comic book writer Frank Miller, Batman has promised to deliver 'swift and bloody vengeance' but not before 'that cunt Robin has got a good kicking.'

Dick Manly reports;

Cheltenhamshire, England. The 'Nam. Described in the Nigella Lawson pop-up book of places as the 'ass-end of nowhere'. It is here that the legendary Dark Knight has chosen to make his home.

Last seen scaling the walls of Buckingham Palace, Batman has since chosen to shun the media spotlight. He now runs a moderately successful Biscuit Emporium in Cheltenham's lively Latin district operating under the sinister pseudonym, Mr Hatch.

I had to buy several boxes of Bourbon Creams before he would agree to an interview. He appeared surprised and alarmed at the mention of his vow to deliver Bin Laden to justice.

"I'm alarmed and surprised by this," he told me.

"I would've thought they would have professionals for this kind of thing really. I know Biscuits, yeah for sure, but a Manhunt? I'm sure I'll be out of my depth totally and it's probably suicide to go after him but yeah, why not. Be a laugh, innit?"

Batman stated that the CIA had not yet contacted him with details.

"What I expect to do is start local really. If I can rule out Cheltenham then I can widen the search from there, perhaps to Gloucester. I haven't got a Batmobile or Batcopter so that'll limit what I can do for now. I'm sure the Pentagon will provide all that for me in time. For now I'll have to use public transport. I'll need the van here for Biscuit deliveries."

A lone vigilante hunting down Bin Laden. Only his wits and his biscuits in his arsenal. As a fellow American I can only feel the swell of pride in my penile areas.
Here's to you, Batman.

And his final words?

"I haven't got a fucking clue where Gotham is but I'll be sure to find out and cover it in my search."

This has been Dick Manly.....on point.

Over and out.

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