Bill Gates: "It's not in my Ass!"

Songwriter Bernie Taupin is set to sue Bill Gates over use of the ever popular Microsoft Windows close down tune. Taupin claims the song was originally penned by him in 1968 but was never used due to Elton John's exceptional gayness. He also claims he had no idea the tune had been in circulation for so long as he has been living in a plastic bag for the last 17 years.

"I wrote the song way back when we were just starting out. Elton was still going under his real name, Loretta, and nobody had the slightest idea that he was gay. The record company didn't like the sound of it and even Elton felt uncomfortable with 'It's in my Ass', so it got shelved. I was really cut up as it was the first, and last, song I had written both words and music for."

"It's in my Ass was eventually picked up by Country duo, Bobby Gibb and Barbara Streislands, who after re-writing all the words and music released it as 'The love inside'. That was in 1981. I liked what they did with it and they asked me first which makes all the difference."

Bill Gates denies any copyright theft and claims to have written the ditty himself at the tender age of Seven.

"I was there with my Bontempi, you know just fucking about with it and all of a sudden this tune just came right out. You've got to realise that this was way before I had even considered making myself into a super computer so I used to just play that tune all day long not even realising the significance of it. I would never think to put the words 'It's in my ass' to it and personally I don't think they even fit very well."


Gates has requested he be tried in a 'Samplers Court'.

"If Taupin wants a piece of me he can cock off. I can move my hands in dangerous ways so he better watch out."


Taupin's lawyers have advised him that the dispute may be settled with a good ol' red neck game of 'Bitch Slap'.

"I'm ready for anything Gates wants to throw my way. I think he's definitely a Pussy underneath all the circuitry and expensive monitors. I defy anyone out there to listen to that close down tune and not hear the words 'It's in my ass'"

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Categories: John Craven’s Newsround