The secret diary of Flid Boy. An everyday superhero

My name is Derek but everybody calls me Flid Boy. Even my mom. I'm twelve years old and go to the Giant Haystacks School for Mentally Retarded Kids. Every Sunday I go to church. Father Callaghan says that Jesus hates me and this is why I'm a spastic.

My best friend is Jenny. I sit next to her on the special bus. I think Jenny's family live near the sea because she always smells of fish. Jenny's mute and speaks to me with her fingers. I haven't got a fucking clue what she's saying. I think she wants to suck my cock.

My dad is William Shatner. I've never met him in real life. My mom's name is Loretta and she's a crack whore junkie. When she puts me to bed she tells me the Nazis are coming to get me. My brother Madigan, is eighteen years old. When he gets older he wants to be a Grand Master in the Ku Klux Klan. He's a bit of a knob jockey really. My dog's name is MacGyver, he's sixteen years old and senile. He tries to bum me in my sleep.

My favourite singer is Barry Manilow and Mary Beth Lacey makes me stiff. When I grow up I want to be a computer like Bill Gates.

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