Spirograph TV launches

The boys at The Adventures of Phillip Hitech are excited to be able to bring you the first published listings for Spirograph TV, a new satellite station which launches tomorrow.
A lovely lady from Spirograph told us, 'It has absolutely nothing to do with Spirographs. We're aiming for the bollocks with this one really and we plan to be sucking at the head of prime time viewing figures very soon. Our shows are very much family orientated with an emphasis on alienation within the family.'
We here think this channel is set to become a firm favourite of next generation palm masters.
Check it out.

Spirograph TV listings, 11th Dec.

6am Breakfast with William Shatner.

9am Cock in the attic: This week sees Top Gear's Jeremy Clarkson stuck in an attic.
What a cock.

10am Alive with flies: Magazine programme devoted to fly keeping.

10.30am Theo in the kitchen: Remember, there's danger.

11am Bargain cunt: More scabby boxes than you could shake a stick at.

12pm Ready, Steady, Cock: Live coverage from the national soggy biscuit finals. Sheffield play host to this shower of wankers.

3pm Table for mystery: More restaurant based tomfoolery. Once again it's a table for one; a table for mystery. Angela Lansbury stars.

3.59pm Children's minute: Another action packed episode of Pussy Warriors Vs the 40ft spiders of cock avenue (with flaming arses). This week the Pussy Warriors sure put their fire out.

4pm How clean is your chuff?: A sommerset horsewoman spends hours mucking out her chuff which hasn't been cleaned in 14 years!

5pm Fred Dibnah's magnificent monuments: Again Fred masturbates over a magnificent erect structure, somewhere.

6pm Alive with flies update

630pm Piss 'n' Vinegar: Cooking tips from filthy beggars.

7pm When nature attacks: This week, Deadly leaves. How a stray leaf through a car window led to a 10,000 car pile up which covered an area the size of Wales in burning debris and human wreckage. KILL NATURE. KILL.

8.30pm Car cunt: This week Top Gear's Jeremy Clarkson gets locked in a car. What a cunt.

9pm Midsommer buggary: John Nettles investigates when a villager is clubbed to death with a man's hornpipe. Suspicion soon falls upon Cocky McCocky the 7ft dwarf.

10pm film, Kitemaster 6: This time the Kitemaster battles international terrorism with kites. Harrison Ford stars.

12.15am Inner spaces: Lucinda Lambton investigates the ruins of Camilla Parker Bowles' anal cavity.

1am World's wildest handy shandy videos: A neighbourhood bully attacks an undercover cop's truncheon and a traffic stop turns into something far more gruesome.

2am Hard fucking 2: Romantic comedy starring Keanu Reeves and Cameron Diaz.

3.15am Fox and Badger's celebrity home fannery: This week Fox and Badger make over Esther Rantzen's sadly neglected lady kebab.

4am Quimcy: Fly on the wall documentary following the work of Dr Larry Badjob as he feels up ladies spuff pockets in the interest of medical research into testicular cancer. The link is tenuous but Larry is determined.

5am Micheal Jackson's naked hand magic

5.15am ready, steady, cock: Edited highlights of today's play.

Categories: Unclassified