There ain't nothing like a Dame

Sir Cliff Richards is to play Dame Vera Lynn in Andrew Lloyd Webber's new musical, "Vera." The musical, based on the life of the Dame, traces her meteoric rise to stardom.

Born in 1917 to Hungarian midgets, Vera was the tallest of fifteen children. By the age of seven she was a regular in the working men's clubs of North Herpes, Yorkshire. At fifteen Vera had contracted congenital warts and was hospitalized with a mild ale infection. Before the outbreak of war Dame Vera worked with such luminaries as Charles Kuntz, Busty Fellows and Donald Quim.

During World War II Dame Vera became the 'forces sweetheart' and brought a nation through difficult times. In 1943, at the height of her fame, Vera narrowly cheated death when the German Luftwaffe attempted to bomb her.

When peace was declared Vera's career declined. Once the nation's most popular female entertainer, Vera was forced to join a male voice choir, playing the variety circuit. In 1969 Vera was awarded the OBE and in 1975 was made a Dame of the British Empire. Dame Vera continues to do charitable work for the Brown Star Organization that provides assistance to old soldiers who have seen action in the Anal Peninsular.

The musical will feature elaborate dance routines and the nation's favourite songs when Britain was Great. Sir Cliff is fucking ecstatic about the prospect of singing such classics as, "There'll always be an England," "When the lights go on, run," "We'll meet again," and "I left my ass at the stage door canteen." Vera, the Musical, will begin its run at The Back Passage Theatre, Brighton.

Categories: John Craven's Newsround