Dick Shavings - Face2Face
As part of his parole requirements, Dick Shavings will be interviewing celebrities from around the globe. In the first of a series, Dick interviews himself.Being asked to work for The Adventures of Phillip Hitech has been...A fucking disasterous career move. It was either Phillip Hitech or prison.
If I wasn't talking to myself right now, I'd be...On the phone to my drug dealer.
A phrase I use far too often is...Will somebody please cock me off.
I wish people would take more notice of...Global warming and my new range of man scent - Dick Musk for men.
The most surprising thing ever to happen to me was...Being gobbed off by Margaret Thatcher in 1984.
A common misconception of me is...I died in 1961 from a drug overdose.
I'm very bad at...Representing myself in court.
The ideal night out is...In my crotchless man pants and half a bottle of Viagra inside me.
In moments of weakness...I travel to Thailand.
In a truer life I'd have been...Jean Luc Picard.
The best age to be is...Old enough not to be prosecuted.
In a nutshell, my philosophy is...Straight up the pupah.
The last film I saw was...Judge John Deed, the movie. Martin Shaw is dynamite.
I am currently reading...The autobiography of Busty Fellows. She's very articulate.
What are you currently smoking...African Jumba Jumba weed, through an authentic tribal bong.
This is Dick Shavings playing with himself.
Categories: Dick Shavings' Column
posted by Winston Q Niles at 19:01
9 Comments:
I once smoked african Jumba jumba weed with Dick Shavings though I didn't inhale. He spent the whole night trying to insert a finger into my anus.
05:10
I'm sure Mr Shavings is wrong and that he did die in '61. I was working nights at St Mungo's hospital when he was brought in. I remember it clearly due to the huge amount of various household items protruding from his anus. He had taken massive amounts of LSD and heroin and was mumbling incoherently about his blessed farm or some such shit.
05:40
I'm a big fan of dick.
07:56
Me and a friend are having an argument that perhaps you could settle. I beleive that Dick Shavings played bass for Hawkwind after the departure of Lemmy for a total of 17 gigs and one studio album. My friend thinks he played organ for Deep Purple when John Lord went over to Whitesnake and was complicit in the break up of the Beatles. Which of us is right?
11:51
Dick has no recollection of this time period. Dick insists his memory was tampered with whilst undergoing chemical weapons testing at Portland Down or some other place with rabbits.
14:22
I've got rabbits. They don't half hurt.
14:24
the fucking rabits, get off me, my eyes, my eyes
14:50
fuck off penny
14:50
Isn't Dick Shavings head cheese of the Palm Masters, the secret handspankery society?
10:04
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