ON POINT: Dick Manly reports....

EWOK PORN EXPOSED


December 15th, 2005. Munich police raid the apartment of Helmut Von Lishck, infamous purveyor of Pornography. They were sickened by what they discovered. Reports of huge amounts of a new subversive porn variant were widespread but no-one was willing to describe content. All officers engaged in the raid were issued a gagging order and some were beyond reach, incarcerated in local Psychiatric units.

Following an anonymous lead Dick Manly brings you this report into the sickening world of depraved Ewok pornography. That's right. Ewoks 'at it', bare naked rutting and a lot more besides.

Dick Manly reports...

The Forest of Dean. A dark, foreboding place inhabited by twisted throwbacks and inbred badgers. Driving alone in this territory is considered suicide but my lead told me to enter the forest and discover the awful truth behind the Von Lishck affair.

I hired a local guide to take me deep in the woods. He kind of misunderstood and it wasn't long before I realised the teddy bear's picnic was off that day. Unperturbed I ventured on alone. About three miles in I made an amazing discovery. Ewoks had set up home within the forest!

I was quickly caught and carried like a hog through the camp. Through a poorly tied blindfold I could see a lot of expensive film equipment lying around and could hear inhuman moans and wails all around me. I feared Bum Buggery as Ewoks are famed for spit roasting their prey.

I was soon identified as inedible and set free. An Ewok named Teebo (real name, Irwin) showed me round the camp. He had this to say,

'Yeah, I was the token black Ewok. That cunt Lucas left us high and dry after Jedi. Sure there was the christmas special and a few cartoon spin offs but they soon became syndicated and we were pushed out of the loop. Royalties dropped off to nothing. Lucas had promised us riches beyond imagining and brought us all the way out here from our homeworld. We put all that promised money into building the Ewok village but the joke was on us. The money was all spent and the well was dry. The village still needed damp proofing, what were we to do?'

'We were approached by some East German fellows. They wanted to give us a lot of money and film equipment for doing what is essentially second nature to us. I mean we fuck all the time, so why not for money? It all seemed so good at first. Fucking your missus on camera just so some hairless twat can spill his mess. But then things got worse.'

'Their requests became more extreme. They wanted us to do Anal, DP, DDP and DDDP. At first we refused but they threatened to stop the money coming in. Well, we'd just had the plumbing and Jacuzzi installed. We had to pay and we've been paying ever since. It's sheer hell.'

The Ewoks knew no shame as they allowed me to observe filming of their latest niche title, 'BumChain 6'.


Teebo expalined further,

'Now we do pretty much the whole range. All the various penetrations, Anal, Watersports, Fisting, Domination, Pork Pie, Machinery, Gay&Lesbian, Cumshots. Our most popular range is probably the Poppa bear series. We're even moving into the Scat market but the shit is really hard to clean off this fur.'

One look at the faces of these unfortunates tells the whole sorry tale. A once proud race driven to self abuse. And where do these gentle folk lay the blame?

'Lucas. Definitely. Cunt. Thanks to him we now have a serious coke problem in our community and Viagra costs money. Yeah we like to party.'



This has been Dick Manly....On Point.
Over and out.

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