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Tired of work?
Fed up with walking?
Just fancy a break?
Then give Injury4U a try.

Whatever your circumstances we can arrange any manner of accident to get you out of work for a while or even for life!

We offer a comprehensive range of services ranging from 'short breaks' such as finger joints, shins and arms to the full bodycast, never work again packages. Our professionals will visit you to discuss the nature of injury you wish to sustain and length of sick time you would prefer. All accidents are guaranteed and if not fully satisfied body parts will be returned without quibble. Our operators will even follow up with our complimentary Disability Allowance claim service.

Think you can't afford it? Think again. Our fee is simply taken from your house once we own it.

Here's what our satisfied customers had to say;

Mr N Wavanagh, Cheltenham: "I gave Injury4U a call because I just couldn't be arsed with work anymore. They were very professional about the whole thing. After the initial consultation it was only a week before Injury4U had arranged for me to be thrown from a 100 story building. I had a full bodycast and haven't done a days work since, it's brilliant!"

Mrs Anne Decappe, Leeds: "I just wanted a bit of time off so I opted for one of the short break packages. A very nice man called round and happily broke my wrist in 17 places for me. He was very informative and explained what he was doing with each break as it happened. He made me feel very relaxed. I now live in a squat as I lost the house to Injury4U but it was worth it as each winter I can get at least two weeks off with recurring pain from my bone splinters. It's an injury that just keeps on giving!"

Charles Kennedy, Scotland: "I was desperate and didn't know who to turn to. I wanted out of the Liberal Democrats so a friend suggested giving Injury4U a try. They really helped me out by 'accidentally' putting Whisky and the like in my drinks over a prolonged period of time. Before I knew it I was a raging alcoholic and unfit for office. Thanks Injury4U!"

Picasso the performing dog, Devon: "I was getting fed up with performing tricks for pricks. I was getting more and more depressed so my wife gave Injury4U a call. They came out straight away and ran me over, it was very quick and now I've got all the time I need to give my balls a good licking. Injury4U are totally professional and had no issues dealing with a dog."

Call 0800 SHITKICK now.

Why wait for retirement? You could be dead by then.

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