Star of the Month: Tori Spelling!

Those born within the influence of Tori Spelling will find that despite lack of talent, looks and full brain function; they will star in several low grade movies this month.

On the 23rd you will be asked to play the part of Fanny Rumble in a low budget Bongo Movie entitled 'My Deluxe Ass 17'. It is advisable you take this offer up. The film quality will be fuzzy and possibly filmed on some bloke's mobile and you will gain a free apple.

All Tori Spelling-aurians will find they have the uncanny ability to act like a social leech, bleeding those around them dry. They also have a liking for roasted cats and satsumas.
The typical Tori Spelling-aurian has a head like a hole, possibly as black as my soul.

Your lucky number is well in the millions.

Avoid Manfat on the 11th.

Warning: Astromological readings provided by Russell 'Teeny Weeny' Crowe.