Celebrity Egg Update
with Dr Larry Badjob &
Dr Leonard Mcoy.

Hi and welcome to Celebrity Egg update. Unfortunately my learned co-felator, Les Bien, is undergoing a major Afro bypass this week so is unable to join us. Best of luck with that Les. Fortunately one of my showbiz chums, Dr Leonard McCoy, was on shore leave and able to help out at short notice. We will not be examining Celebrity eggs. If you're looking for that kind of thing you probably want another kind of article.

Egginess; the irrational ill mood of another be it Spouse, Child, Parent, Co-worker or Chinese man. For centuries it has remained elusive to full and conclusive scientifical study and medical cure. An affliction of the Amygdella, the mood centres (for a fuller explanation of egginess refer to EGG CLINIC in my section of this blog).

We all have it, lurking inside waiting for the trigger and it is that trigger that has remained so elusive. Until now. Latest research showed what was at first thought to be a new variant of Egginess; Shadow eggs (or Ghost eggs in some circles). But I wasn't so sure.

I set up a sterile test area at a lap dancing club and conducted an experiment with Dr McCoy. I wanted to know what part these shadow eggs played in the release of pure eggs in the brain. The following is a transcript of that experiment. The video footage is too harrowing for broadcast.

Badjob: So, McCoy. What do you think of that new research into eggs?

McCoy: Interesting. I took it back to the Star Wars lab and ran it through my futuristic medical computer. Even though it was made out of boxes in the Sixties I found the diagnostic report highly conclusive. Shadow eggs are a new variant of pure eggs.

Badjob: You stupid cunt.

McCoy: eh? That's not an argument. You can't just call me a cunt.

Badjob: Yes it is.

McCoy: No it's not you stupid cunt.

Badjob: Bit eggy aren't you?

McCoy: No. I'm not eggy.

Badjob: Eggy.

McCoy: I am not eggy!

Badjob: You are.

McCoy: Oh, fuck off Cunthampton.

Badjob: See? Eggs.

The remainder of the transcript is unavailable due to ongoing legal proceedings.

Studying this evidence I was able to track a definite Egg transference. Unknown to McCoy I had previously self induced an egg fit using hypnosis. My eggs were evident the moment I called him a cunt and yet I subconsciously transferred those eggs to McCoy who ended up far eggier than myself. My shadow eggs had gone into action, perhaps in some kind of defensive mechanism, and launched an egg attack on McCoy's egg centres. I call this Flying Eggs.

Here's a diagram for those of you with eyes.

Are Flying eggs the elusive trigger? Are Shadow eggs just our minds natural defence? I believe so.

Is there any way to combat Flying eggs? Doubtful. Perhaps this is all just a case of the 'whoever smelt it, dealt it syndrome' as explored by Peters & Lee (1976) in their paper; 'Guff fields and Quantum mechanics'.

I am however researching a surgical procedure that will possibly be called an Eggoctomy. The Eggoctomy will probably result in the loss of all brain function but it could be a cure for those afflicted by chronic eggs. I will be performing test operations at the Birmingham NEC in June. Could any volunteers please shave their own heads.

Until the Eggoctomy is available via the NHS, I continue to advise the use of major sedation in the management of this affliction. Why not try my reasonably priced 'prescription' service? We have dedicated sales teams in alleyways throughout the country. Just stop one and ask for Badjob.

This has been Celebrity Egg Update and remember...

Be safe, be seen...be on fire.

Categories: Dr Larry Badjob