Christ off his bike??

It is with a fairly heavy heart that we at Hitech towers report the alleged death of our missing-in-action writer, Jesus harold christ.
Reported sightings in recent months included JHC being seen buying easter eggs in woolworths, having a "Strange smell" about him.
It's been rumoured by a slightly credible source (who shall remain nameless) that the "bastard son of god" was recently spotted trying to convince badham's chemist in Cheltenham that he had a prescription for ketamine to collect. The "source" informed us that Christ did indeed have a strange smell about him, possibly a mixture of turps, rotten vegetables and fanny batter. He was heard to be muttering something about "poncy pilot" being after him for an undisclosed sum of money, believed to be a drug-debt, amongst other unintelligable ramblings.

We attempted to make contact with poncy pilot, and after being told he'd meet us round the back of Iceland, he failed to pitch. Yet again. The fucker. (We're still waiting for that "package" he promised us.....)

Earlier today, we received the "sad" news that the body of a 33-year old long-haired, shit-bearded male had been found in the "garden of beer", wearing a piss-stained and faecally soiled off-white robe. Several roman spears were found in close proximity to the body, and a large wooden crucifix was discovered nearby in the flowerbeds. A mangled bike was allegedly seen next to the body, but this was apparently stolen by a bunch of chavs.

On hearing the news, we put two and two together and in a long, drawn-out way made four, and suspected that this could in fact be our M.I.A. writer Jesus harold christ. We made our way posthaste to the "Garden of beer", only to discover that the body had mysteriously disappeared while the police guards had taken a two-hour lunch-break.

If any of our readers have any clue as to the whereabouts of the body, or indeed any sightings of Jesus harold christ, please hesitate to contact us at Hitech towers...........

Categories: Unclassified