Parlez-vous Francais?
Learn to speak fluently in the fictional language of your choice with Fictional Languages for Dummies.In the first of the series Fictional Languages for Dummies introduces the reader to the most popular fictional language - French.
By the end of page one you will be speaking the three key phrases at the heart of this fictional language just like Frenchie. Learn to say, I surrender, Please send help and I have Syphilis in my eyes.
Included with the book is a Betamax video of Alain Delon's 1957 film, Le Bon Salon. Through watching this you will come to understand the customs and culture of the fictional French and the importance of waving your arms around a lot when conversing with no one in particular.
Also learn about the key events in history that helped shape France into the great fictional country that it is today. Learn about Agincourt, Waterloo, Dien Bien Phu and the Vichy Government and come to appreciate the true art of capitualation as perfected by the fictional French.
Warning: Speaking a fictional language may cause severe disability
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posted by Winston Q Niles at 04:56
13 Comments:
The Franch are a bit of a soft target but still, that was pretty damn funny.
12:07
I hate the Franch too but man those french are the real cunts here. Does it include the key phrase, 'don't leave us behind'?
14:04
Your posts have a way of sneaking up on me. I'm reading along today and Wham! I was blind-sided by the "laugh hysterically button" which forced me to splack up Grape slushie; possibly ruining my favorite pair of leather chaps from "Victoria's Secret Naughty Cousin" store.
This line was the kicker:
"Please send help I have Syphilis in my eyes." My overt reaction to it--"Snort!" then a huge grape slushie drool, then loud laughing while cursing the grape mess--brought people in from the other room to ask what the heck was so funny.
Some smart-ass in the mob asked about my chaps. I had to throw a big stapler to clear the room. Nosy bastards.
As to the french, I've always been partial to that kiss they invented. Hhh Hhh Wee Wee!
00:16
Dear Mr Angry, a complimentary sanitary towel is winging its way to you. Indeed the French are a soft target but hey, Fuck Frenchie
10:28
Dear Tony Malone, fuck off
10:28
Dear Pamela, we at The Adventures of Phillip Hitech always look forward to your comments. A complimentary hot sperm sandwich is on its way to you. Sorry for making you piss your pants
10:30
J'ai appris que l'ete passe francais et ma vie a ete une misere complete depuis. Personne ne m'a dit que je peux finir vers le haut d'handicape car on ne l'a pas largement connu d'alors mais maintenant je suis aveugle dans des les deux orielles et avoir l'ane d'un chien. En raison de mon incapacite exceptionnelle j'ai oublie tout l'Anglais que j'ai jamais su et je suis maintenant coince dans un monde parlant francais d'enfer. Veuillez m'aider! Envoyez-moi la mort! Je ne qualifie pas meme pour l'allocation d'incapacite comme ils disent que je suis maintenant fictif enregistre
10:48
Dear Lesley, I am sorry to read that you have the ass of a dog. Can you lick it? Would love to see photos! Being blind in both orielles sounds very painful, there must be some form of man cream that can remedy this. I suggest checking out Larry Hagman's Institute for Applied Creams. A complimentary bottle of arsenic is on its way to you. May this end your fictional language hell. p.s If you can lick it, I'd really love to see
11:09
Je suis allé chez l'institut hagman larry d'appliqué écrème mais ils ont seulement rendu des choses plus mauvaises en remplissant mes oreilles de la VASELINE. Maintenant je ne peux pas voir une chose foutue hors de l'une ou l'autre oreille. Branleurs. Mon mari m'a laissé ainsi j'ai été récemment essayé pour lécher mon propre âne. Tristement je ne peux pas atteindre toujours et maintenant avoir l'habitude méchante de chier partout mes tapis partout où je vais. La plupart des chiens locaux ont eu un bon reniflement sur mon chemin aux tesco et l'homme dans le Chinois local continue à me regarder drôle. Vitesse de Dieu avec du votre arsenic. Il mieux ne pas être cette merde bon marché. Au revoir monde cruel et va te faire foutre frenchie !
20:52
Dear Miss Duvet, I am sorry to hear that the Larry Hagman Institute for Applied Creams could not help with your delicate predicament. As for your inability to retain faeces, I suggest you do what I do and invest heavily in brown leisure wear and strong perfume. We now have your coordinates and a complimentary tactical airstrike is on its way to you. Bon chance.
10:29
omg, I had to comment on the comments! HYSTERICAL!
00:34
Cher Pamela, je suis heureux mon enfer vivant a montré amuser ainsi à vous. Je ne vois rien drôle au sujet de mes anus de chien, ni ma cécité dans des les deux oreilles. Je veux juste dire, accrocher dessus ; le vol de cet avion un peu bas... AAaaaaaargh ! Mon Dieu ! Je vous embrasse la mort douce !
Baise. Ils ont manqué.
10:03
Я от lancaster, я также выучил франчуза но нашел что я говорил русского с тех пор. Само странно.
10:10
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