Re-oonification. Hitech gets scoop on Rooney injury!

The results of Wayne Rooney's critical scan are due to be released at noon today. We at Hitech towers have however managed to gain inside information and can reveal the results to you now.

Speaking from the Laura Ashley Home furnishing and MRI scan department, Doctor Lowestoft James told us;

"We scanned Rooney's foot and were amazed at the findings. Please don't print this because they're going to cover it up later but we found a large amount of Burgers surrounding Rooney's metatarsal. God knows how they got there. We know that Rooney's diet relies heavily on the sadly neglected 'Maccie D' food group such as burgers, fries and a thick shake. It still doesn't explain how he came to have burgers of the metatarsal. There is perhaps some credence to the theory that this is a hereditary condition. We're applying a green salad dressing to try and remove them."

Fifa's official medical officer, Dr Jiri Dvorak told us;

"Each team physician must confirm by May 30th that their players are physically and mentally fit to participate in the world cup. We are aware that some of the players come from Liverpool and we'll take that into account."

With a deadline of 4 days it is felt drastic action may have to be considered.

Dr James told us;

"They''re considering a total foot graft. They wanted at least one of Ronaldinho's but apparently he'll be using both during the upcoming tournament. They may be able to get George Best's but fears are what with decomposition and the difficult task of re-animating dead tissue it may not work out. There is talk of a robo-foot being applied. If that doesn't work, perhaps a full robo-body which has been made in Hollywood I'm told."

Sources tell us that Sven-Goran Eriksson fears fellow players will request robotic enhancements too. David Beckham is well known for his love of robotic hair and Micheal Owen is said to be interested in a set of robotic teeth.

Categories: John Craven's Newsround