Spunk- Episode 2
The Adventures of Phillip Hitech office Pharmacutical party went with it's usual bang as the monkey researchers staged a bloody coup which has so far seen 122 deaths, 47 sucking chest wounds, 17 bent fingers, and two unrelated cases of carpet burns.At precisely 02:00hrs whilst Q Niles was performing his infamous Dance of the Ostrich, the Monkeys made their move. They quickly enveloped the startled Q Niles and overpowered him, causing him to bend his lady finger painfully. It was at this point the power was cut and the shooting began.
The firefight that ensued was epic and brutal. I recall seeing Q Niles thrashing about on the floor. He was using his weapon of choice - Sodomy. Alan Scrotum quickly entered a beserker rage and was waving his brown smelly finger all over the place whilst Jesus Harold Christ was attempting to razzle dazzle with the shining light of his heart and head. He was soon taken captive and forced to watch all of his nemesis' (Tom Cruise) films back to back. We can still hear his pitiful wailing.
After a day of heavy fighting we survivors have managed to regroup in the stationary cupboard. Only myself, Q Niles, Scrotum, Badjob and Dick Manly are left. We have few supplies (largely paper clips and the like) and would consider eating Scrotum but fear he is highly toxic. We have now resorted to drinking our own piss and I'm sure Dr Larry Badjob has shit himself, more than once. The monkeys have full control of Hitech Towers. All we can do is wait out the seige. I told Winston it was a bad idea to hire Kung-fu monkeys.
To anybody out there reading this please send Napalm and Drugs. Broken arrow. Broken arrow.
(see SPUNK episode 1 @http://philliphitech.blogspot.com/2005/12/spunk-episode-one.html)
Categories: Unclassified
posted by Manny Kulkowski at 17:06
8 Comments:
I'm still out here you bastards. I'm playing dead to avoid the buggery. The Monkeys are in a frenzy. The work experience lady never mentioned anything like this. It's horrific
18:42
We're launching a counter offensive at zero hour to try and get Willie Fluff back in the stationary cupboard. Unfortunately the Monkeys have seized control of the sextophonic sound system and are utilising the Dixie Chicks against us. They're sick fucking bastards. Dick Manly is beginning to lose it, he keeps muttering stuff about Khe San and how he's 'gonna get me some'. I just wish he'd stop playing with the grenade.
Sorry to hear about your recent brush with the plague.
11:35
I did a search on google for monkey buggery and got this site. Can you please tell me if you have any vacancies?
Can't wait for spunk - episode 3. When does Jack Bauer come into it?
06:30
Funnily enough he does, it's the episode where Jack Bauer has to get through 24 litres of monkey spunk to save his hat from severe soiling.
We pride ourselves on being the number 1 site for all your monkey buggery queries. We have plenty of vacancies left following the recent massacre and if you could bugger these bastard monkeys out of existence it would be most helpful.
Our counter offensive was unsuccessful. We lost Dick Manly during the assault. We think he's still alive out there somewhere having gone 'native'. We suspect he may be having a Colonel Kurtz moment. From the sounds of the screaming it seems the monkeys have realised Willie fluff is not dead.
09:28
Grease me down and send me in through the lift shaft - I've got my viagra and monkey hook.
18:14
It's good to see there are some professionals monkey fuckers left in the world.
00:04
We're still stuck in this fucking stationary cupboard. It's gone disturbingly quiet outside and well, we've all gone a bit insane with the lack of food, sleep and clean water (we've been surviving on Scrotum's secret Vodka stash). So not a lot has changed really. We're gonna send the most expendable member of the team out there to have a look about soon, that is once we've convinced Alan Scrotum he is not a potted plant.
Hopefully normal service will resume shortly.
13:33
What the fuck! Take your skanky ass advert and shove it where it hurts. You cunts couldn't possibly supply the kind of medication we need and certainly not in the quantity required.
We're coming for you, your family, your friends and their families and their families' friends and their families and so on until the world is defeated. Cuntrags.
22:20
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