Well Fuck Me! World Cup Special

Sweden

Formed from man fat and covered in spuff, Sweden is the country that looks like a flaccid penis on any map you care to name.

Sweden was discovered by Goatar, the greatest fighting goat ever to have lived, whose epic battles with the Beowulf live on today through the Norse sagas written over 2000 years ago.

The first references to Sweden in historical documents, were made by the Roman historian Titilatius. In the first century Titilatius observed that whilst the Romans wrote poetry, the Swedes were still playing with their goat like cocks. Even today, every Swede on the planet has the genitalia reminiscent of a goat's.

Sweden's main exports include cock iron and budgerigars. In 2001 Sweden recorded a substantial budgerigar surplus that threatened to destabilise the world’s budgerigar markets.

Sweden is a nation of toilet traders who like to holiday in the untouched fanny forests that cover most of inland Sweden.

National holidays include Peter Purvis Day and Legover, on 13th December. Legover is religiously observed by Sven-Goran Eriksson and Ulrika Jonsson, sometimes in the same room.

Most famous Swedes include Bjorn Borg, leader of the Borg Collective and adversary to Jean Luc Picard, and Ingmar Bergman who liked to scare children with visions of death.

Whilst listening to the Swedish national anthem I experienced congenital heart failure.

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