ADVERTISEMENT.

Fed up with Chin Scrapes?

Upper Lip Chaffe becoming a social issue?

Well suffer no more...!

Developed using revolutionary weave technology and produced by Cambodians , Fox&Badger proudly present the all new NOEL EDMUNDS SAFETY BEARD, as worn by Noel Edmunds.

The Noel Edmunds Safety Beard uses NASA approved space-weave technology and monkey pubic hair, designed to withstand a 5,000 megaton blast. You may not survive but your chin will be preserved for future generations.

The Noel Edmunds Safety Beard is fully endorsed by Noel Edmunds who had this to say;

'My safety beard has kept me safe from all facial harm though it appears unable to protect me from the amazing Cunt I've become over the years. I am not gay however.'

Testimonials;

Mr T Sprayson, North Cockshire; 'This is a fantastic product. My chin has been safe from all kinds of things, Ham especially. I don't have a body anymore as I caught it in the lathe at work but at least my chin and upper lip are still recognisably human in origin, Beard-Tastic!'

Mr Pat Quim, Essex; 'With my safety beard I can attend any social event with complete peace of mind. No more do I have to worry about cocktail stick injuries or enforced buggery in public toilets.'

Mr O Bin Laden, location unknown; 'My safety beard has kept me safe from American justice for years now. Brilliant. I still have concerns about enforced buggery in small places but that's to be expected really.'

The Noel Edmunds Safety Beard is available from http://www.fox&badger.cum/ and for a limited period includes a copy of Noel Edmunds autobiography as written by Keith Chegwin.

WARNING: This product may contain traces of Monkey Nuts.