People with eyes should look away NOW

Friday, September 21, 2007

Dick Manly...On Point

This week Dick Manly has been investigating the disturbing rise of sexual harassment in the workplace. Having based most of his research on websites such as 'Naughty Office' and 'Bang My Shenanigans, In The Orifice' we sent Dick to work undercover in an office. This report promises to expose the shocking abuse of males by often fuck-ugly women.
All names in this report have been censored.


Monday 5th, 09.05hrs: My first day at Spud-U-Mong head office. I am greeted by a woman called ****. She makes me feel uneasy with her eyes. I am shown to my work space. within minutes of my arrival **** has asked if, "I want anything just come and see her." Shockingly the blatant abuse of my maleness has already begun.

11.17hrs: **** has been sitting on her bottom all morning. Occasionally banging on a bit about stuff. she told me that, "I could have it", which I found to be rather sexually predatory. Combined with her 'accidentally' touching my knee at 11.15hrs I feel that perhaps she is a sex maniac, possibly well known to the local dogging community. I begin to wish I'd taken my medication this morning.

12.07hrs: Whilst I was stood very close-by, **** lunged towards my gentleman's area with sudden force and intent. I am scared and may have leaked.

15:30hrs: **** asked if I was "alright." I fear this to be some form of dogging terminology. She then walked around the office a bit in a suggestive manner.

Tuesday 6th, 10:oohrs: **** suggested she may have a coffee. I believe she was indeed referring to my privates in a lewd manner. She then told me she could not find her cup which I believe to be a reference to something termed 'Cream Pie'.

12:05: ****** said that she would like one. **** agreed. Depraved sex talk in evidence. ****** stated she wanted "white coffee", obviously referring to Sperm.

13:37hrs: Larry hasn't got me my medication yet. Bastard.

16.14hrs: **** writing on paper in a suggestive manner. ****** said thank you for the coffee with sexual undertones. **** then suggested I, "make it with a Goat". **** then told me, "I haven't had it yet." She suggested she was "Getting there" however. I made excuses and left early.

Wednesday 7th, 10.41hrs: **** asked if there was anything I could "take down" for her. I felt sexually assaulted in a verbal manner.

14.20hrs: **** drew her breath in in a shocked manner which I believe intimated oral desires.

16.45hrs: **** asked me if "he had been in today?" A clear sexual reference to my Johnson. No sign of Larry or me tablets. Things are getting freaky, just like in 'Nam when Charlie used to Bum Surf the wire. Like ghosts man, fucking ghosts...

Thursday 8th, 09.45hrs: **** requested I "Whip her there". She claims to have been referring to a trip out in the company car to fetch doughnuts. I am not so sure so I keep my distance and sit in the back to drive her to the shop.

11.15hrs: **** suggested we should all get drunk and go up the hill and sit in a car with some other people. She also suggested bringing a camera for some reason. I am not sure where I am anymore, just a few minutes ago I thought I saw my old CO stood by the photocopier. He died in Khe Sahn...I need my tablets. It's all happening again.

15.17hrs: **** suggested that ****** has breasts, 34DD and is in fact wearing M&S pants.

Friday 9th, 11.02hrs: Finally Larry's come up with my tablets. Too late to stop the blood pouring down the walls however. I am in a world of terror. I try to focus on my job whilst ravenous females prowl around me. A lone male in an office environment, I am targeted as meat in a jungle of lettuce kebabs. My sweat is tangible. My Claymores set.

15:00hrs: **** tells me that she could "do it" as long as she wasn't on her own.

16.30hrs: **** asks me if ****** has been "let off" early today. This is a clear sexual come on. I fear for my own safety as **** comes closer. I pull on the detonator but the Claymores are fucked. Damn this war. Damn you American arms industry. Damn you all to hell.

17:oohrs: The end of my week undercover. I was appalled at what I discovered, not only at what I found behind my sofa whilst looking for tablets, but also at the shockingly offensive level of sexual content prevalent in today's workplace perpetrated by women. Shame on you all. Shame.

This has been Dick Manly....on point.

Get some.

2 Comments:

Anonymous SGT Dickerson said...

I AM NOT IMAGINARY.I SUGGEST YOU GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER MANLY, CAN YOU HEAR ME??OR ARE YOU TOO BUSY BEING A GODDAM FAG.CHARLIE IS EVERYWHERE SON. Keep 'em peeled.

17:54

 
Anonymous Betty said...

Did the late shift do the washing up?

18:06

 

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